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Adoptee Stories

What Drives My
Continued Dysfunction?
Adoptive Parents: Narcissism, Defenses and Attachment Styles

Perfect Strangers

I was adopted over 70 years ago. If this event is affecting me today (and it still has that power) then it must be that I have carried something forward from that time. The event itself was over in a relatively short time.

The point is that today, I am not the victim of someone else’s action that happened so long ago. Today, I am affected by my own deeply rooted beliefs, which I formed back then. Neither my natural-parents nor my adoptive-parents drive my dysfunction. I do.

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Here is a link to a rare, interesting  comparative study of women who are fertile with women who have experienced primary and secondary infertility. Although the subjects were from India, their profile was very similar to adopters in our western culture. The researchers investigated the three groups for their degree of narcissism, defense mechanisms, and attachment styles. They found significant differences between the three groups. The researchers also commented on the sparse number of existing academic studies concerning the infertile population as well as treatment modalities for their subjects. This situation is surprising considering the degree of personal pain and distress infertility causes.  We also have a multi-billion dollar adoption industry that serves these clients but no research on how infertility affects parenting! 

 For nine months, I was safe and warm and content with all that was familiar in my humble little existence. I knew well all the smells and sounds both inside and outside of my existence. The sound of my mother’s heartbeat and the variations of speed of that heartbeat from it’s slowest at rest beat to its fastest panicked heartbeat and everything in between. I could recognize the sound of my mother’s voice, it’s distinct tones and rhythms that brought comfort to me. But then, as with everything in life, came the time when I had to leave my safe and comfortable existence for a life in the outside world.

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